I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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