Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
