I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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