his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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