I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
