I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
