Actions speak louder than pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
