So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
