Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
