dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
