I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
