I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
