Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
