he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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