Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize