Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Floor bacon is actually really good
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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