I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
