They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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