I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
