Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
