good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
