peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
