Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
