Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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