Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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