Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We need to get me chipped asap
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
