rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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