addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please come you make the beer taste better
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
