did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
