between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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