Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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