tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
