You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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