i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
