I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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