Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
