winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
