I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
