i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
