pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
