Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize