The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
