she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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