nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
