i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
