I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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