I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
