There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
