Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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