I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
