Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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