Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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