my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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