sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
