I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Holy shit dude........stairs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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