Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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