party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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