I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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