she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
