I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
