Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
