drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
