moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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