...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize