I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize