I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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