Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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