at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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