My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize