So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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