can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize