Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
