Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
