a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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