I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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