and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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