I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
