Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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