I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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