I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
