I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am one with the molecules
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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