Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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