im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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